elsewhere

so it has been a year of relative disconnect from this blog as i am still missing the point, or time, or motivation, or desire, or whatever it will take to move into any sort of daily updating of this record of a life, but at least the life continues as it is, with inner glee and bliss dominating the quiet moments alone in spite of lonely chaos all around... of course if i knew someone was reading i might find myself making time to return here more, but the daily writing remains elsewhere and it may be because i a waiting for someone to understand (and let me know) or maybe i am simply content waiting inside, even if no one ever knows... i can still imagine memories (if you know what i mean)... of course this record may be just for me and i am not interested, but the truth is i would rather be having fun with words than analyzing that bit of amusement or depression at the moment... anyway interested can find me elsewhere and who knows what might change here or there or everywhere if some sort of communication was initiated...

simply, i am busy busy busy with work and relaxing anytime i am not working... work is very gratifying and challenging, as the frustrations are outweighed by the rewards of helping others (which is still my favorite thing to do in life)... softball is on hiatus this month and yet i recently started dropping weight and hope that continues... home is neglected as both jackson and i are hardly here, both working that much, but we don't think about personal stuff much and stay on the surface... the tv plays a lot in the background and i watch dvr-ed shows as i fall asleep most nights... i miss music, but still squeeze in a concert now and then (melissa etheridge in recent weeks, chicago and alice cooper and motley crue a few months ago... that's what i remember for now)... deep down i remain open to falling in love again, but i am not looking and getting less willing to compromise with each passing year (as i've said)... that's the record for now, for what it's worth...

still missing

and if they are ever found, this entry might not make sense and might need to be amended or even deleted, but even if the missing entries are finally uploaded, the fact that they were missing at the time this entry (and the previous one) was uploaded will not change... whatever that means to you when you read this, it is part of the record of this blog which is supposed to be a record of a life, or something like that... the old ways may be hanging on somewhere, perhaps in an endless loop (or so that song goes), but that is not actually where this record wandered off to, no, there is a divergence the words do not explain, though perhaps somehow, there are secrets other writers may understand somewhere in the links that may lead closer for anyone interested in pursuing an exploration...

we are not asking who cares, we (the few, the many) are just letting you know this record has paused or stuttered or past or something like that and it may not seem that way now, but there are places to find more information about this life if you care to know...

the missing record can be found, you just need to want to find them, to know... and ask...

missing records

and lots of them at that... months have passed since i started the new job and so many things have happened, blissfully positive milestones, frustrating challenges that, once resolved, were sweet highs... the juggling of responsibilities and solutions continues every day and next to nothing is mentioned here... there is the semi-rambling (but brief) daily blog that may have stretched a thousand or more entries past it's prime (any interest in reading six thousand entries to start catching up?... yes, i said start, those 6000+ are just the most recent incarnation of the daily blog that's been evolving for years (tic tic tic back in time cuz you know, it's relative in this blogging life, with a touch of bullsugar, or something like that... what what?)...

simply, it's been busy times... much work, but it's good to be the boss and have the freedom to choose the hours and tasks i do from moment to moment... much fun, especially softball as i feel very comfortable playing well these days, batting over .800 with an on-base percentage even higher consistently on all of my teams and pitching really comfortably as well so my teams as winning most of their games (four championships and one trip to a national world series in 2013) which is great for the ego but even better for the social life and even more importantly, for the body (cuz what good is any of it if the body dies, aye?... wouldn't be much of a record of a life then, would it?)... the car is cool, much praise and smiles, though the gasoline engine is still such a very flawed example of the sad suicidal tendencies of the human species, but that's another story)... much life, shared well, but still missing the coupling of a single monogamous partner, alas... perhaps i choose to be too rational (logical?) to accept the illusion (and perhaps delusion, for most) required to create such a relationship, but that dream is still the only dream i know (as someone once sang)... so with a wistful smile and wide-eyed giggle that only the innocence of youth understand, i thank you for your patience and hope you enjoyed the little catch up that finds it's way here...

saving lives, saving games, saving money (well, two out of three ain't bad, ya know?... hey, laughter maintains some semblance of sanity in the face of insanity, so stay the course and keep the perspective high)... that's the bulk of the record of a life, at least for now... feel free to reach out for more anyway you choose, as you wish, even... and may the smile of narf be with you :)

a car is born

star?... bought?... somehow, the metaphor got twisted... and the date, eleven minutes past (so actually this is about yesterday, i mean, for accuracy of reporting and all)... a new 2014 toyota corolla s (as in sports model, i suppose) almost premium (minus the heated faux leather seats, which i need in florida like a tazmanian devil needs a hole in the head) has replaced all the rentals i've been driving for weeks (or longer)... and not just loving every minute of it (and the neat gadgets inside), but gleeful over loving the keyless touch entry and push button start... first world orgasms (shhh, i know, people are suffering and i am in consumer heaven... sign and all that)... somewhere, a more wonderful description of the pleasure and giggles inspired by the new toy full of new toys may be written, but for now, this entry is to record the purchase of the new vehicle - long live the car...

narf :)